Slow down

I heard a song today that I have not heard for a long time. (You can listen to it here). When a friend of mine had terminal brain cancer, I drove her to her many doctor's appointments. It took an hour to get there each way and we would often just listen to music on the way. Nichole Nordeman's albums were some of our most listened to music and this song in particular really spoke to me during that time in my life. It was a busy time for me. I was busy raising my two girls, working two jobs, trying hard to be a good mom, a good friend, a good daughter ... and foolishly thinking that the more I did the better I was; the more I accomplished the more valuable I was. A human doer instead of a human being.

I have learned a lot since those days. About making time ... and taking time. About putting empty spaces in my schedule. Margins. Time to just breathe. Time to live. Slowing down. And not thinking I have to be everything and do everything to have value.

Having a granddaughter has helped me tremendously. I don't want to miss any moments that are quickly lost. Having a mother who is healthy and 84 years young also reminds me that I want to spend time with her now and not wake up one day and say, "I wish I had ...".

The song speaks about how busy we are, how full we book our days ... our lives; the boxes we think we have to check off. So much that we forget what it really means to live. And what it means to just be. Our voice becomes louder than His...

Say goodnight to the light of the setting sun
One more day, one more way
Of keeping track of all I've done

I run this race, keep this pace, I'm doing fine
And I won't stop until each box
Gets checked a second time

And life becomes the 'round and 'round
Revolving door that won't slow down
It won't slow down

Do you wish, do You want us to breathe again?
Say goodbye to the lines that we've colored in
Brown and gray from day to day

Do You cry, do You hope for all things made new?
Try and try to invoke us to live in You
That we might be the hands and feet of this mystery

This routine is nice and clean from dawn to dusk
I rise and rest, I do my best
When will it ever be enough?

And life becomes the bigger noise
Drowning out Your little voice
Your little voice, Jesus

We take stock, and we punch the clock
And we make sure all those zeros have balanced in the end ...
(Nichole Nordeman - This Mystery)

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